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“If you don’t process that trauma, you may find yourself in another relationship that is not necessarily healthy,” Raja says. There isn’t a simple checklist that guarantees a potential partner will be safe, Raja says.Processing trauma can occur in a variety of ways: support groups, meditation, somatic experiencing, eye movement desensitization and reprocessing or EMDR, cognitive-behavioral therapy, and self-care, like social activities and volunteering, self-esteem building and other techniques. “We’d like to be able to say, ‘Do these three things and you’re good,’ but abusive partners are, by definition, manipulative.Indeed, survivors may question their ability to ever have a healthy, safe relationship again.These types of statements put the blame on a survivor’s shoulders, but it’s abusers who bear the responsibility for their behavior. “If you’ve been in a previous relationship where you had an abusive partner, it’s not your fault,” says Qudsia Raja, advocacy and policy manager of YWCA USA.Blaming yourself for the abuse you experienced can stand in the way of trusting yourself or a potential partner. “You’re a survivor and you’re brave for leaving.” However, as true as it is, this language can take time for survivors to really own, Raja says.

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But domestic abuse occurs whenever one person in an intimate relationship or marriage tries to dominate and control the other person.One must deal with it and heal from it in order to move on to a healthy relationship. Perhaps she did not give herself the time she needed to go through the process in order to move ahead into a new relationship.Abusive relationships are emotionally destructive and until a person sheds all the negative feelings from such a relationship there is no hope for a new one to survive.Domestic violence and abuse are used for one purpose and one purpose only: to gain and maintain total control over you.An abuser doesn’t “play fair.” Abusers use fear, guilt, shame, and intimidation to wear you down and keep you under his or her thumb.Domestic violence and abuse can happen to anyone, yet the problem is often overlooked, excused, or denied.This is especially true when the abuse is psychological, rather than physical.When it comes to abusive relationships, it isn't always just physical abuse.While this isn't meant to detract from the issue of domestic abuse that far too many women have suffered (and still suffer), it's to address the fact that emotional abuse can be just as damaging, but in completely different ways.All I can say is RUN and I mean RUN, Dont even look back!To me, women who had been in abusive realtionships, are damaged goods. Most of us are more than capable of healing from the past given time and support and the right help, i've seen it often and also done it myself.


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